It's my third semester of graduate school and I'm still not sure how to feel about it. I just realized I have a huge anti-authoritarian streak that has never really shown itself during my largely goody-two-shoes life.

Here's my evaluation of school: I really like doing the readings. I also kind of like writing research papers, when I am excited about the topic. What I don't like is doing smaller assignments that "prove" I read the readings. I want the professors to just trust I read the readings, because I always do. I hate dumbass little mini-papers and I put them off until the last possible minute. I also don't like having to attend class. I like going to some of my classes, I don't like that I have to go. I also don't like how much this whole endeavor is costing me. I will be paying out my nose for years to come. The more I look at what I'm typing, the more it seems like I should have just audited classes for my own personal edification. But I'm three semesters in, so I might as well get some letters after my name.

Another reason why I wouldn't quit school is that it would leave me with just my job, which is, on its own, unsatisfying. I don't mind my job, it's not hard at all and I work with some interesting people whom I otherwise would never know. The thing I like about my job is making money. I don't make a whole lot of it, but I don't do a whole lot, either. I have zero job-related stress. The annoying thing about my job is having to be there, although it's a lot easier to miss than school. Sometimes there are large chunks of the day where I have nothing to do, and it makes no sense for me to be there. Another thing about my job is that it does not align well with all of my values. I mean, I am not building bombs or anything, I am answering phones for a real estate broker, but if working was all I did, I would want to find a job that was focused on helping people (not helping rich people stay rich). Of course, I do know a lot of people who work corporate jobs to support themselves and their families and then do amazing things with their money and their spare time, so . . . I don't know. It seems like every day I am learning more and more about what I like and don't like, want and don't want, etc. Things are still murky, but they're a lot clearer than they were two years ago when I not only didn't know what I wanted to do, I didn't know who I wanted to be. I know who I am now, and I am more than what I do for school or work.